Step 1…First, write down all the qualities you’d like to find in a partner. Write down as many as you can think of. Don’t make judgements about what you are writing – just be completely honest with yourself. Keep writing until you have exhausted the possibilities.

Step 2…Examine your list and CHOOSE THE TOP FIVE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITIES. Then, write down your definitions of each of these qualities. Be specific. If you want someone who is good looking – write exactly what you mean by that. If you want someone who is wealthy – write down what constitutes wealth to you. This process helps you get clear about what you really want. It is important that you don’t make any judgements about your list. You have a right to have your own priorities, wishes and desires and the more you are aware of what it is you truly want, the easier it is to make it happen.

Step 3…Now that you are aware of the five qualities that are the most important to you, practice asking questions whenever you meet a potential partner to discover if they possess any of the qualities on your list. Focus on your top 5 only. Be creative with the way you ask your questions and please be light hearted and have some fun. Why do we focus on the top 5? Well, this is NOT to minimize the value of the other qualities on your list, it is simply to help you decide the MOST important ones. Too often we have an image of perfection in our minds that no one person on this earth will ever match up to. If this has been a problem for you in the past, I strongly encourage you to do this exercise. At the very least, you will learn more about yourself, but the chances are it will open your horizon just that little bit wider to enable someone very special to enter your line of vision.

“If you train your mind to search for the positive things about other people, you will be surprised at how many good things you can observe in them and comment upon.” – Alan Loy Mcginnis

Copyright ©2007 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.

2. Offer non-alcoholic drinks. A bowl of non-alcoholic punch can be a very appealing drink. Make sure it doesn’t get ‘spiked’ though. Some people can’t or may not want to drink and having soft drink on hand will give them another alternative in case they haven’t come prepared.

3. Have plenty of food available. The more that people are able to eat, the less they tend to drink and it also slows the rate at which the alcohol will take effect. Giving them a plate keeps their hands occupied.

4. Keep the size of your party to one you can manage. Having too many guests often attracts the attention of police and neighbours. Please think about the potential consequences if it gets out of control. How will you feel the next day if someone has been hurt, gets alcohol poisoning or takes an overdose of drugs while under your roof?

5. Be a responsible host. You really should be able to monitor the behaviour, health and safety of your guests. It is possible that you may be held legally responsible if something happens to one of your guests. Make sure you check out what your insurance covers you for prior to the party, just in case something does happen. Don’t let intoxicated guests drive home or leave alone.

6. Monitor your guests activities. Typically, parties in private homes are brought to police attention because of excessive noise. This includes complaints about the level of noise, people yelling, loud music, fights & disturbances, people gathering outside the home causing concern, breaking bottles and littering. Make sure you provide large bins in accessible places for people to throw their empty drink and food containers in.

7. Don’t sell alcohol. If you are selling alcohol or charging admission (selling cups) to enter your home, you have become a bar and are selling / dispensing alcohol without a permit. Another thing to think about is that your private insurance may not cover claims for something that might be considered as a business activity.

8. Keep the drinkers inside. Don’t allow your party guests to leave your home with open bottles of alcohol. They can be issued a citation and will proably attract police attention.

9. Call a taxi company. Keep track of who is coming and going and call a taxi company prior to the night. Notify them you may need their services. Party goers walking around outside your home have a potential to cause all sorts of trouble. Strongly suggest to each person who has been drinking that you are happy and intend to call them a cab.

10. Have support. Have extra people to help you monitor the party. Keep the phone numbers of reliable and responsible people close to the phone in case you need extra support to control the crowd as the night goes on. Don’t be embarrassed if you really lose control and need to call the police yourself…but some thought beforehand goes a long way to making sure that won’t need to happen.

11. Provide entertainment. If people are dancing, they aren’t usually drinking. Give them something to watch or to do. Play games and award prizes like chocolate or candy. A wrapped prize always attracts attention and interest.

12. Be a good role model. Don’t walk around with alcohol when you are a host. Show that you can enjoy yourself without having to get drunk and encourage other people to do the same. Have as many people there as possible who can demonstrate responsible actions. People tend to follow the crowd.

13. Be thoughtful. Parties are supposed to be fun, but the level of fun quickly drops if there is an accident or someone gets hurt. Think in advance of all the possible scenarios and have a contingency plan – just in case. It’s better to have thought in advance and prepared than to be caught out on the night. Intend for your party to be remembered as one of fun and enjoyment, not because of a disaster.

What’s a pillow party? Well that’s a very good question!

A pillow party is a fun, social event designed for adults to get their needs for physical touch, closeness and intimacy met in a safe, non-sexual environment (with their clothes on).

What happens at a pillow party? I’m glad you asked!

One of the best ways to organize a pillow party is to invite an equal number of males and females. Ask them to dress comfortably and to bring the items listed below. Tell them you’ll provide some structure to the night and to get ready to experience a unique and exciting way to get close to other people just like themselves…and it all happens in a safe and happy environment.

What do you need at a pillow party?

• Provide or ask your guests to bring finger food for sharing.
• Bring your own pillow, blanket and optional beanbag for extra comfort.
• Drinks (non-alcoholic recommended). Tea, coffee, hot chocolate etc

How Does The Pillow Party Work? Ah, the important part!

The host will need to have a structure to the night to help the tentative guests feel more secure and to provide boundaries or those who are more abrupt.

These parties are extremely popular and when hosted in a professional, safe and supervised environment, are an excellent way to bring people so much closer together, both emotionally and physically, without the need for sex. They’ll enjoy themselves so much, they’ll be back for more!

Continued on How To Host A Pillow Party

Copyright ©2008 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.

Continued from Pillow Parties – what’s it all about?

Step 1 – Setting Up The Space – You just need one big open room that is moderately lit. Lamps are ideal. Don’t use candles as there’ll be lots of fabric in the room that could create a potential fire hazard.

Step 2 – The Entrance – Make sure your guests all arrive around the same time. As this is a more emotionally as well as physically intimate type of party, it will make it difficult if someone shows up half-way through the introductions. You need to create a safe space for people to talk and get to know each other better.

Step 3 – Introductions With A Twist – Get your guests to pair up with the closest person to them (usually of the opposite sex, but it doesn’t have to be) and to get in as comfortable position as possible. Each person will work out where they want to sit, stand or lie down…there are no expectations.

At this point, we usually play a “getting to know you game” and instruct them to have a conversation with the other person, to find out as many interesting, unusual or funny things as they can about them. Give them a timed 3 minutes to do this. Once the time is up, they then introduce the other person to the rest of the group.

Once they’ve taken the first step in getting to know one another, it’s surprisingly easy to want to reach out and rub someone’s shoulders, or ask for a hug.

Step 4 – The Secret Step – This simple yet highly effective game encourages people to mingle and move around and get to know each other even better, and runs by itself in the background for the next hour or so, allowing you to relax. It does all the hosting for you. You can find out the detailed instruction for how to set up this amazingly simple and powerful game in our Party In A Parcel Package.

Step 5 – Ask Your Guests To Leave – From experience, we know that people can get so comfortable and relaxed with this whole process of the pillow party that they just DON’T want to go home. Four hours is really the maximum amount of time that is wise to spend in a close knit space like this.

If your guests have met someone they want to ‘take things further with’, they can move along to their own homes, a coffee shop or motel. There’s an old saying, “Quit while you’re ahead” and in this situation it really is best to finish the night on a high.

Copyright ©2008 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.

I have experienced meeting new people through singles events, introductions by friends, while out and about, newspaper advertisements and on the Internet (on other forums, just through email connection and on RSVP – the biggest Internet dating site in Australia). 99% of these meetings have been a positive experience for me, but I have very strict guidelines that I adhere to that ensures I have sufficiently checked out the other persons character, compatibility and intentions. But, one of the most important aspects, is to get clear about what we are wanting to find in another person in the first place.

Let me give you MY STEPS. I don’t expect they will be right for everyone, yet they work for me.

1. What Are You Looking For? Answer this question very carefully. It provides the foundation for what you will attract into your life. What are your intentions…are you looking for a friendship, a playmate a travel companion, a life partner, a penpal, a sexual partner or are you just seeking attention or ‘testing the waters’? If your answer is wishy-washy your results will be wishy-washy. This is the most basic step, yet the one that is the most ignored.
2. Get clear about the qualities you would like to find in a partner. Use the method given in the article Three Steps To Knowing Who’s Right For You. This is such an important step. If you are waiting for divine intervention or relying on luck, karma or destiny, these steps will go a long way to ensure you will attract the person you really desire, not some unconscious need based on healing past hurts.
3. When you meet someone who is a POTENTIAL match, commit to going on three dates. We are only looking for POTENTIAL at this time – not perfection…that takes time to determine. Take a look at So You’ve Been Asked Out On A Date.

Copyright ©2007 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.

Continued in Part 2

Continued from Part 1

• The First Date – needs to have a time limit of approx 1 to 1 and a half hours. It could even be a telephone date or a chat room date as well as a live-in person date, but is usually over a cup of coffee in a very public place. Why? The reason we arrange a meeting in a public place should be obvious to you, but how many people fail this recommendation and get caught in something they hadn’t planned on. The time spent is important too. Take LESS time and you risk judging the person on superficial criteria. Give them a chance to get to know you and for you to know them better. We all present a different, acceptable, face to strangers…take MORE time and you run the risk of getting too comfortable too quickly. Some people might let down their ‘cautious nature’ (which is part of us for a reason) and begin to trust someone they don’t even know properly yet. This often manifests as “let’s go back to my place where we can be really comfortable”…your wisdom has just been replaced by a false sense of security.
• Second Date – Approx 2 to 2 and a half hours…enough time for dinner, a nice picnic, a long walk or something that gives you time to TALK. A nightclub wouldn’t be a good idea for obvious reasons. Make sure you keep to the time limit…after 2 hours or so, most of us tend to get a little ‘niggly’ maybe even argumentative. We have just used up a lot of our energy to put forward our most positive side. We are emotionally and mentally at our limit and we are with someone we hardly know and are not able to relax and be completely ourselves. There is nothing wrong with showing our best side…it is an important and necessary part of the dating process, but we need to take ‘time out’ from this person and come back together for our third date where we can relax a lot more.
• Third Date – Half a day…enough time for a long drive, visit a winery, do an activity you both like or even something you haven’t tried before. Whatever it is, you will know if you are beginning to bond with this person. John Gray (the best selling author of Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus) says that the third date is the one men become the most relaxed and talkative. If you aren’t beginning to bond in terms of a relationship, you will have had the chance to establish a friendship. This is the main reason I always recommend three dates. Everyone has both positive and negative sides. If you are interested enough to go out with them for one date, be interested enough to form the basis for a friendship. If they turn out NOT to be compatible in other areas, you have just treated someone with respect and probably made a new friend. If they ARE compatible, you have just built a foundation that sets the scene for what is yet to come. Either way, everyone wins.

There is one more thing I’d like to add. Following these recommendations helps to develop passion as well as trust and safety. Some people might think they are manufactured and fake, and in some ways they are, but I call them “Using Our Wisdom“. I have recommended these steps to many people. I have had feedback as to their effectiveness. Test them out to see if they work for you…and we will let the results speak for themselves.

Copyright ©2007 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.

If the answer is NO, then maybe there is something more you could learn about body language.

If the answer is YES, then you probably are already aware of body language, it’s meanings and it’s importance.

Scientific studies have proven that the words we use when speaking account for only 7% of how people form their impressions of each other. So that leaves a whopping ninety something percent of non-verbal movements and sounds that are determined by our VOICE TONE and BODY LANGUAGE!

Body language is made up of facial expressions, gestures, other movements, touch and positioning. The most famous study done by Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D. reported that communication is 7% words, 38% tone and 55% body language. Of course each person and situation will vary, but there are a few things we can reasonably conclude from this.
Communication isn’t just words – a lot seems to come through non-verbal channels.
It’s easier to misunderstand words if we can’t see the non-verbal signals (how easy is it to be misunderstood via email communication or on the Internet in general?)
When we don’t trust someone or are not sure about their words, we pay more attention to what we see as well as to what we hear.

Incredibly, we all seem to have the ability to tell (well, most of the time) if someone is -
interested in us or would rather be elsewhere.
lying to us, by noticing their tone of voice and body signals.
self assured. Take notice of the posture and body movements of people we call “charismatic”. When they enter a room we can’t help but stop and stare.
how happy someone is to see us by their handshake, voice inflections and how close they move to us.
in agreement with or believes us and many other things.

I think that one of the best (very descriptive and visual) books on the subject is The Definitive Book Of Body Language – by Allan & Barbara Pease. I don’t profess to be a body language expert by any sense of the term, yet I am very interested in the subject. One of my favourite ways to practise these techniques is when I speak in public. Most of them I learned from studying with one of the most entertaining public speakers I have ever witnessed, Robert Kiyosaki (best selling author of Rich Dad Poor Dad).

How To Use Body Language And Positioning For More Effective Public Speaking

I have learned that it is better to enter a room or a stage with ‘lots of energy‘ and to greet the listeners with acknowledgements to get their attention and questions to enlist their participation. To capitalise on a great beginning it’s important to look all around the room and even move through the room and position yourself in the best place to see every person at eye level or above. Having your arms wide open when asking a question lets people see you are open to their answers. Of course, crossed arms shows the opposite and can be very useful in certain circumstances too. If someone in the audience is being disruptive, you can position yourself near them or ask a question of the person next to them instead of confronting them directly.

Copyright ©2007 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.