The New Dating Game Part 2
The way we date and relate to each other as men and women has changed significantly over the last few decades! Many people are now prepared to go to the far reaches of the earth in search of their perfect partner…but behaving appropriately on a date can be quite a challenge. Here are some solutions!
Continued from Part 1
- The First Date – needs to have a time limit of approx 1 to 1 and a half hours. It could even be a telephone date or a chat room date as well as a live-in person date, but is usually over a cup of coffee in a very public place. Why? The reason we arrange a meeting in a public place should be obvious to you, but how many people fail this recommendation and get caught in something they hadn’t planned on. The time spent is important too. Take LESS time and you risk judging the person on superficial criteria. Give them a chance to get to know you and for you to know them better. We all present a different, acceptable, face to strangers…take MORE time and you run the risk of getting too comfortable too quickly. Some people might let down their ‘cautious nature’ (which is part of us for a reason) and begin to trust someone they don’t even know properly yet. This often manifests as “let’s go back to my place where we can be really comfortable”…your wisdom has just been replaced by a false sense of security.
- Second Date – Approx 2 to 2 and a half hours…enough time for dinner, a nice picnic, a long walk or something that gives you time to TALK. A nightclub wouldn’t be a good idea for obvious reasons. Make sure you keep to the time limit…after 2 hours or so, most of us tend to get a little ‘niggly’ maybe even argumentative. We have just used up a lot of our energy to put forward our most positive side. We are emotionally and mentally at our limit and we are with someone we hardly know and are not able to relax and be completely ourselves. There is nothing wrong with showing our best side…it is an important and necessary part of the dating process, but we need to take ‘time out’ from this person and come back together for our third date where we can relax a lot more.
- Third Date – Half a day…enough time for a long drive, visit a winery, do an activity you both like or even something you haven’t tried before. Whatever it is, you will know if you are beginning to bond with this person. John Gray (the best selling author of Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus) says that the third date is the one men become the most relaxed and talkative. If you aren’t beginning to bond in terms of a relationship, you will have had the chance to establish a friendship. This is the main reason I always recommend three dates. Everyone has both positive and negative sides. If you are interested enough to go out with them for one date, be interested enough to form the basis for a friendship. If they turn out NOT to be compatible in other areas, you have just treated someone with respect and probably made a new friend. If they ARE compatible, you have just built a foundation that sets the scene for what is yet to come. Either way, everyone wins.
There is one more thing I’d like to add. Following these recommendations helps to develop passion as well as trust and safety. Some people might think they are manufactured and fake, and in some ways they are, but I call them “Using Our Wisdom“. I have recommended these steps to many people. I have had feedback as to their effectiveness. Test them out to see if they work for you…and we will let the results speak for themselves.
Copyright ©2007 Elizabeth Richardson. All rights reserved worldwide.
